Stop the Loneliness! 6 Steps to get through the night

 

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

Mine months ago, it became increasingly obvious my marriage was struggling. My husband and I had discussed separation, which he didn't want, but seemed impending. Finally circumstances in March of 2021 made the separation inevitable. 

Knowing it was the right choice helps me stay the course, but it is a poor substitute for life with another adult.

It hurts, sometimes

One thing I had forgotten when I was in the relationship, was the pain of loneliness. It isn't just the stress of being the only adult meeting the needs of the children, or the financial worries, but the simple quiet pain of getting the kids to sleep, looking at the other end of the couch and seeing...noone. Maybe the dog on some nights. And that is when the ache starts. It's a dull, kneading feeling in the pit of my stomach. If I wait until it is actually dark out (the kids have been going to bed quiet early this summer--but making up for it by waking at 5 a.m. most days), then I begin to feel a little depressed. Frankly, I understand that a little sadness is expected, and it is simply a matter of waiting things out until closure can be found and I restructure my life.

But of course, noone WANTS to be sad or lonely, and getting through the solitary evenings with my sanity intact is a priority. 

So I have been slowly creating a toolbox of ways to get through the night with a minimum of the blues. Keep reading for some of my favorite tips.

Beat the Blues Toolbox--My 6 steps to make it through the evening

1. Watch a favorite series. Currently I am rewatching Gilmore Girls. Now, it isn't as empowering as it was when I was single in my 30s with three kids-somehow being single in your late 40s with three kids stings a little more, but who doesn't want to be the fabulous and fun Lorelai? Next, I'll probably go through Parenthood.

2. Take a long bath. Somehow messing around on my phone has more purpose when I am soaking in soothing bath. Get some great smelling products, an amazingly fluffy towel, and get ready to relax. Grab a book, your smartphone if you are brave, or turn on some of your favorite soothing music. 

3. Go to bed early. Okay I have tried this twice and haven't been able to fall asleep, even after taking a couple milligrams of melatonin, but theoretically it seems like a good idea. While it didn't help me sleep on those particular days, I find listening to relaxing sounds such as delta waves or thunderstorms to often do the trick in helping me get to sleep peacefully.

4. Make something. I have to decided to start making junk journals. I am super excited about this! 

5. Engage in other hobbies (like starting this blog!). Doing something "constructive," especially something I love to do, gets me out of my head and into the zone! When you are in the zone, you can't be thinking about things that bring you down.

6. Clean a little. No, it isn't fun to clean, but think how good you will feel when you walk into a clean kitchen to get that morning coffee, without tripping over any toys on your way there. Clean out the sink, set up coffeemaker or Keurig, maybe even plan a great outfit for the next day (or the whole week!).

I won't lie and say the quietness never gets to me. Humans, even we super-introverts, need social interaction, but sometimes the world doesn't work out like that. Don't be afraid to try new things to keep yourself happy and occupied. And if you have some tips to share below, please do!